one am is like being drunk
it's when all my thoughts run to you

firstly, i don't understand you.

i didn't put my emotions on a string so that you could pull each bead off and throw it in the bottom of a fish tank. i wanted you to wear it like a smile except around your neck. i wanted to catch each ray of sunlight and sparkle like a prism.

i wanted to be there when sweat & tears roll
down your temples
like rain.

secondly, i'm not just any girl.

there are tens of thousands of girls out there, all beautiful with trim bodies. but when they wink boys fall at their feet and crawl up their legs wanting something God made for adam and eve to share. these long eyelashes might look pretty, but they don't wink & they never will.

i will not let you snake-charm me into a cage with a hypnotic trance--i am not another trick in a card game. if you seek admiration without reciprocation, you played the wrong hand.

thirdly, i still love you.

when you're not around, i miss you.

i miss your voice, your smell, your touch. but i can't sit here and pretend that your hugs mean nothing. i can't say that when we are together i don't feel different, like i don't see you without these jaded cries of romance.

i have waited all my life to love someone like a warm sunset slowly burning the landscape with cooling cinders. one last spark for a limerick before the fire is snuffed out with stars pressed against the black like freckles.

i could love you like that.
i could love you like rain rolling down the windshield of your truck as the moonlight casts a glow against the slick pavement. i could love you like it doesn't make sense.

fourthly, come as you are

i won't promise a field of wildflowers with cute little kittens all in a row, but i can offer my heart--each spackled crack of imperfection and all,

but

before you think another thought
remember that i embrace your faults like a mother who just found her newborn baby will never see dust swimming in sunbeams on a late august afternoon, the color blue, or the power of wind.

i will never pretend you are perfect.
i will never make you to be someone you are not.

above all, isn't that what we want? someone to accept you for who you are after the day is over and it's time to turn off the lights?

fifthly, love is more than a four letter word

would you give a thirsty man an empty cup? or a hungry man a bare plate? likewise, i do not offer empty words. i do not tease when i say i love you,

i mean it.

but before you dodge everything i've said, remember this is frightening for me too. imagine all the emotions i've allowed myself to feel, all the tears i've let myself cry just thinking you don't love me.

i'm not going to pretend to be ready at this rate i don't think i ever will, but that's like waiting for God to use you until you are sinless. still, i don't want to jump off the deep end to find out i can't swim.

i can wait
if time is what you need.

i can do anything,
but i can't make you love me.